I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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