Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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