life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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