All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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