I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
