She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
