There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
