i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
