Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
