I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
