Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
