Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
