i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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