Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I am one with the molecules
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
