The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
