I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
