Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
