i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
