make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
