Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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