We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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