Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
