Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
