how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
