I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
