His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
