apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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