and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
