She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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