I think scott just propositioned me for sex
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
