He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
