hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
