She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
