My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
