Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
