how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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