Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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