He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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