this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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