Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
