remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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