My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
