Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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