wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
