so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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