Fine. I'll sleep in my office
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
