she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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