She went from zero to smokin in five shots
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
