i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She even gives head with a lisp.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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