You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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