You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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