The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is Oprah even human
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
