how can u be prego again
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
