Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am naked and annoyed.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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